End of an era? Or New Beginings?

The last year has been a roller coaster. 2011 was extremely personal. It caught it all. The joy of a corporate highrise. And its pay package. A broken back and with it, the end of the corporate dream. Recovery struggles. Withdrawal symptoms of the now-deceased corporate life. A move to a strange strange land. The love of motherhood. The joy of a pregnancy. The loss that followed. The decision to let it be. The finding of faith & the gratitude of a subsequent pregnancy. & all the mommy moments inbetween. I will treasure the past year that was, & the voice it gave me forever. A lot happened last year. A lot of tears. A lot of joy. A lot of growing up and getting comfortable in my skin. & embracing the crazy life that is one of a stay at home (work at home) mom.

But what was next? I felt like I wanted something new. So this year, 2012, it is for my babies. (BABIES!!!) I brainstormed & mulled over a bunch of ideas and kept coming back to the same one. I want to put together a little book of lessons for my babies. This project is not for anyone but them. I write to them both in their own journals, for them to see what I see and understand the words I write a little better. My goal is to give them a peek at their childhood from where I stand. & offer up something that I have learned along the way. Some wisdom from mama…if I dare call it that.

I love my job as a SAHM. But I love it because I had a bustling career first. (& kind of still do…) but I run my house like a business. It’s a job I take seriously. There is infinite planning, executing, project management, scheduling, coordinating, budgeting blah blah blah. It’s no joke. & that’s the way I like it. I kind of love it, actually. But I don’t think, as a woman, that I would feel this way had I not had a corporate life before kids. I had my own money. I had my own identity outside of the house. I had bosses & responsibility & successes & failures. I have talked about this before, but rushing into children was not for me (us) and I am so glad that we waited. My hubby & I are about ready to start our (omg) fifth year together. No small feat. (especially for someone who did not believe in commitments. Hah! ) I spent our post college life as a part of being the breadwinner & it was a VERY valuable lesson. I know what it feels like to carry the pressure of supporting my family & it drastically impacts the way we manage our roles as a couple. I wish–for both my daughter (and if I have a son–for his future wife) to experience working outside the home before they choose homemaking as a career. It is a LOVELY career. One I enjoy to the fullest, but one that I think is best enjoyed after a few years working elsewhere.

This I shall return to. The high-flying image that's stuck in the insides if my head. But until then, my goal. Strive to be the best home-maker to my husband and kids. Make them a home to come to at the end of the day. One where they will be happy and content. And at peace.